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Adam Carolla
In Fifty Years, We'll All Be Chicks
Reviewed by: Rick Kleffel © 2010

Crown / Random House
USA Trade Hardcover, First Edition
ISBN 978-0-307-71737-5
Publication Date: 11-02-2010
238 pages, $25
Date Reviewed: 11-23-2010

Index:  Non-Fiction

Celebrity books generally have a well-trod path at my house; they go straight from the mailing envelope to the book donation bag.

Make no mistake, I'm interested in all sorts of books. I deliberately try to change-up my reading schedule, so I don't get tired of reading in one genre. But books by celebrities rarely grab my interest, and mostly, they don't get the chance. There are too many other books that I know I'll enjoy to even spend my time giving them a shot.

But when 'In Fifty Years, We'll All Be Chicks' (Crown Books / Random House ; November 2, 2010 ; $25) by Adam Carolla came in, I thought, well hell, there might be a laugh or two in here. So I opened it up. To a certain extent, this proved to be a mistake, for two reasons. The first was that I was already reading a book, and Carolla's rant-o-rama proved to be a distraction. Once I picked it up, I wanted to read the whole damn thing, but it wasn't up in the queue yet, so I kept reading random bits here and there. The second reason was that I just had to read whatever I'd just read aloud to my wife. She actually found a few bits amusing. A few.

Of course, the creator of The Man Show is not out to make women, men or anyone other than Adam Carolla feel good about themselves. 'In Fifty Years, We'll All Be Chicks' is a non-stop vehement roar about the state of manhood, men, women, America, children, and bathroom etiquette — to name just a few topics covered. Happily, it is well worth your reading time. In fact, it passes the highest test of readability; you will re-read portions, often aloud. This is what books are all about.

Carolla does not know this by experience. He makes it clear that he's not what you would call a real reader. That said, when it comes to rants, he is a real writer; profane, eloquent, surprising and yes, very, very funny. 'In Fifty Years, We'll All Be Chicks' is pretty much entertaining, thought-provoking and laugh-provoking for every one of its 238 pages. It's the kind of book you'll read huge portions of completely out of order, the quality of which will induce you to sit down and read the whole thing in order, then read again out of order, in a different order from the first time you read it out of order. This presumes, of course, you're not a chick.

Let me amend that; this presumes you're not one of the "self-entitled, thin-skinned, hyperallergic, gender-neutral, View-loving little girls," who are the target of Carolla's ire as he decries "the pussification of America." And that, I promise, will be the last quote from the book you're going to read in this review. Carolla's opinions are not going to make a lot of people happy, but even if you hate what he has to say, it's hard not to laugh. He's pretty damn funny, and he is a skilled, savage critic of all the shit that pisses him off. That's enough for the aforementioned 238 pages.

The format here is simple. Carolla defines the problem in a paragraph, offers a brief bio in which he makes it clear that he's not a big reader, then launches into a series of very funny screeds about topics big and small, from the politicians who run the country to bathroom etiquette. Each topic in handily divided into a series subtopics, and individual bits run pretty short. This is the perfect written evocation of great standup comedy.

Carolla is obviously out to offend a certain segment of society. You might think you can tell who you are by the title of the book, but don't be too sure. He is an equal opportunity offender, and even when you are offended, you may find yourself laughing anyway. Comedy, done well, works in spite of — or often because of — your beliefs.

'In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks' is not all laughs; there are a few serious moments and suggestions that make sense. Nor is this a book of what Joe R. Lansdale would call "big thinks." No solutions to global warming will be found within, though there is a brilliant, and I mean this, brilliant solution to the toilet seat problem. Carolla should seriously implement and patent this. My hands feel cleaner already.

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