11-26-10:Adam Carolla Worries That 'In Fifty Years, We'll All Be Chicks'
Set the Controls for the Heart of the Rant
Celebrity books generally have a well-trod path at my house; they go straight from the mailing envelope to the book donation bag.
Make no mistake, I'm interested in all sorts of books. I deliberately try to change-up my reading schedule, so I don't get tired of reading in one genre. But books by celebrities rarely grab my interest, and mostly, they don't get the chance. There are too many other books that I know I'll enjoy to even spend my time giving them a shot.
But when 'In Fifty Years, We'll All Be Chicks' (Crown Books / Random House ; November 2, 2010 ; $25) by Adam Carolla came in, I thought, well hell, there might be a laugh or two in here. So I opened it up. To a certain extent, this proved to be a mistake, for two reasons. The first was that I was already reading a book, and Carolla's rant-o-rama proved to be a distraction. Once I picked it up, I wanted to read the whole damn thing, but it wasn't up in the queue yet, so I kept reading random bits here and there. The second reason was that I just had to read whatever I'd just read aloud to my wife. She actually found a few bits amusing. A few.
Of course, the creator of The Man Show is not out to make women, men or anyone other than Adam Carolla feel good about themselves. 'In Fifty Years, We'll All Be Chicks' is a non-stop vehement roar about the state of manhood, men, women, America, children, and bathroom etiquette — to name just a few topics covered. Happily, it is well worth your reading time. In fact, it passes the highest test of readability; you will re-read portions, often aloud. This is what books are all about.
Carolla does not know this by experience. He makes it clear that he's not what you would call a real reader. That said, when it comes to rants, he is a real writer; profane, eloquent, surprising and yes, very, very funny. 'In Fifty Years, We'll All Be Chicks' is pretty much entertaining, thought-provoking and laugh-provoking for every one of its 238 pages. It's the kind of book you'll read huge portions of completely out of order, the quality of which will induce you to sit down and read the whole thing in order, then read again out of order, in a different order from the first time you read it out of order. This presumes, of course, you're not a chick.
Let me amend that; this presumes you're not one of the "self-entitled, thin-skinned, hyperallergic, gender-neutral, View-loving little girls," who are the target of Carolla's ire as he decries "the pussification of America." And that, I promise, will be the last quote from the book you're going to read in this review. Carolla's opinions are not going to make a lot of people happy, but even if you hate what he has to say, it's hard not to laugh. He's pretty damn funny, and he is a skilled, savage critic of all the shit that pisses him off. That's enough for the aforementioned 238 pages.
The format here is simple. Carolla defines the problem in a paragraph, offers a brief bio in which he makes it clear that he's not a big reader, then launches into a series of very funny screeds about topics big and small, from the politicians who run the country to bathroom etiquette. Each topic in handily divided into a series subtopics, and individual bits run pretty short. This is the perfect written evocation of great standup comedy.
Carolla is obviously out to offend a certain segment of society. You might think you can tell who you are by the title of the book, but don't be too sure. He is an equal opportunity offender, and even when you are offended, you may find yourself laughing anyway. Comedy, done well, works in spite of — or often because of — your beliefs.
'In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks' is not all laughs; there are a few serious moments and suggestions that make sense. Nor is this a book of what Joe R. Lansdale would call "big thinks." No solutions to global warming will be found within, though there is a brilliant, and I mean this, brilliant solution to the toilet seat problem. Carolla should seriously implement and patent this. My hands feel cleaner already.
11-24-10:Adam Levin Issues 'The Instructions'
Messiah Complex
What is a messiah? Who is the Messiah? Adam Levin's 'The Instructions' attempts to answer both questions — thoroughly. And yet, we're given just a glimpse of a boy who may be more than a man, a snippet of a life that may mean more than life itself. Get ready for contradictions, and be ready to commit. Adam Levin's 'The Instructions' commands your attention. Not because it's 1,030 pages and not because it's a book-brick from a prestigious literary publisher. Give yourself an afternoon with Adam Levin, and you'll live the next four days of a Messianic life. Who would have thought being the messiah would be this much fun?
Levin frames his inner-vision of a visionary with a keen but sparse meta-fictional exo-skeleton. 'The Instructions' is a document "translated and retranslated from the Hebrew and the English by Eliyahu of Brooklyn and Emmanuel Liebman," a 21st-century Talmud told by Gurion ben-Judah Maccabee. He's a precocious junior-high-school kid who employs the most powerful tool that man has made with a ferocity that is unnerving to those around him and his readers as well. Gurion, encased in the not-so-helpless body of a teenaged American boy, goes to war against the world armed only with language.
And such language! Levin wrestles the reader to the ground with a unique patois that is an ass-kicking blend of surly teenager and blood-drenched ancient wisdom. Excess is never enough, and excessive violence is countered and framed with language that is even more violent than the physical acts. Mind control, bullying, pandering, finagling, terrorizing, every trick in the book and a few invented in this book make 'The Instructions' a breathtaking immersion. But it is as often breathtaking by virtue of Gurion punching someone in the solar plexus as it is by virtue of flights of rhetorical greatness. From word one to word, what — 293,341? — 'The Instructions' is a gripping sentence-to-sentence adventure.
This is not a thousand-plus pages of speechifying. Levin knows, Gurion knows that words must follow actions, and there's plenty going on here as well. Yes, we see it through the microscope of scriptural ecstasy, but what we see is often a contrast to the beauty of the words telling the story. Levin has a pretty gritty story to tell here, with hostages and stand-offs, unfortunate loves and miracles that are only miraculous to those of us who aren't the Messiah. That is, everyone reading the book.
Given the size and scope of the novel, it's not surprising that you'll find a lot of humor here. Not that 'The Instructions' is a comedy. Or if it is, it's the Divine Comedy, that grand scheme of life and why we are alive gone off the rails and about to crash. You will need to exercise patience with Levin's tome; and it clearly is not for every reader. But that patience will be rewarded with what ultimately proves to be a re-wiring of our relationship with language. From Gurion's mouth, in Adam Levin's novel, language is no virus from outer space. It's a weapon. It's a messiah, it knows that you have sinned, and it is here to take you down.
New to the Agony Column
09-18-15: Commentary : William T. Vollman Amidst 'The Dying Grass' : An Epic Exploration of Simultaneity
Agony Column Podcast News Report : A 2015 Interview with William T. Vollman : "...a lot of long words that in our language are sentences..."
09-05-15: Commentary : Susan Casey Listens to 'Voices in the Ocean' : Science, Empathy and Self
Agony Column Podcast News Report : A 2015 Interview with Susan Casey : "...the reporting for this book was emotionally difficult at times..."
08-21-15: Agony Column Podcast News Report : Senator Claire McCaskill is 'Plenty Ladylike' : Internalizing Determination to Overcome Sexism [Incudes Time to Read EP 211: Claire McCaskill, Plenty Ladylike, plus A 2015 Interview with Senator Claire McCaskill]
Agony Column Podcast News Report : Emily Schultz Unleashes 'The Blondes' : A Cure by Color [Incudes Time to Read EP 210: Emily Schultz, The Blondes, plus A 2015 Interview with Emily Schultz]
07-05-15: Commentary : Dr. Michael Gazzaniga Tells Tales from Both Sides of the Brain : A Life in Neuroscience Reveals the Life of Science
Agony Column Podcast News Report : A 2015 Interview with Michael Gazzaniga : "We made the first observation and BAM there was the disconnection effect..."
04-21-15: Commentary : Kazuo Ishiguro Unearths 'The Buried Giant' : The Mist of Myth and Memory
Agony Column Podcast News Report : A 2015 Interview with Kazuo Ishiguro : ".... by the time I was writing this novel, the lines between what was fantasy and what was real had blurred for me..."
Agony Column Podcast News Report : A 2015 Interview with Marc Goodman : "...every physical object around us is being transformed, one way or another, into an information technology..."
Agony Column Podcast News Report UPDATE: Time to Read Episode 199: Marc Goodman : Future Crimes: Everything Is Connected, Everyone Is Vulnerable and What We Can Do About It
